Vishnu

Triumph, Vishnu, lord of the world, the preserver of all things that live, have lived, and will live. He emerged from Purusha’s mouth at the beginning of time and ascended to supreme Godhood. He, lotus bearer and great Lakshmi’s devoted consort, blows the conch shell that foretells his foes’ doom, slaying them with his mace or whirling chakram.

He is lord of the Vaishṇavas, most numerous of Hindus. Where Brahma rules the moment that went before, and Shiva rules the moment to come, Vishnu rules the moment that is. Vishnu has incarnated himself as the fish Matsya, the turtle Kurma, the boar Varaha, the lion Narasimha, the dwarf Vamana, the martial artist Parashurama, and even the Buddha (but don’t mention that to Buddhists unless you want to start a fight).

But the best-known and best-loved avatars are none other than Prince Rama and Lord Krishna. Prince Rama was the hero of Valmiki’s Ramayana. His evil stepmother exiled Rama, his wife Sita, and his brothers to the forest, where the Demon King Ravana’s minions conspired to abduct Sita. His rescue of Sita forged Rama’s friendship with Shiva’s avatar Hanuman and ended Ravana’s reign over Lanka; but his suspicion of Sita’s virtue (which was indisputable, not that it should fucking matter) in the aftermath drove a wedge between Vishnu and Lakshmi that they have never really resolved.

Named for his dark, blue-black skin, Krishna was born to the knight caste, a four-armed infant famous for stealing butter in his youth, who strangled serpents and demons. He grew to be a great lover and swordsman, who once split himself into 100 Krishnas to get down with 100 cowgirls at once. As an adult, he charioteered for Prince Arjuna in the Kurukshetra War. You never know when the driver of your auto-rickshaw, the pilot of your airplane, or the cowboy herding the dogies back to the ranch will turn out to be the Dark Lord himself.